I had met her some years ago...coincidentally. She had that indescribable charisma that attracted me with just her first glimpse. She is simple, beautiful and very much 'my kind'. Truly, I never had met any girl like her; she is different in every way. I love the way she talks- oh, how gracious she is; I love the way she smiles and I love her perfect figure. I love everything about her. I had been looking forward to going 'steady' for a while and I found what I was looking for when I met her. It was then that I felt my search had ended. In fact, every moment, accompanied by her, has turned into a splendid, momentous, and blissful experience. I'm so thrilled that I know I cannot exist without her; May be, I am obsessed. It is regrettable that I became so neurotic of her without knowing how she felt about me; what she thought of our relationship and did she have the same opinion or will she accept my proposal? Does our chemistry match? I thought of these questions lately and felt that I have yet to know so many things about our relationship; especially of her opinions. So, I planned to meet her and get it off my heavy shoulders.
The time did come when I had to let her know about numerous things that I had for her I, sadly, had to fly abroad. Nevertheless, I had called her from the airport, before I left Nepal, my home country, just to say to her a few key things but, again, misfortune...time did not favor me; she simply wished me good luck and advised me to succeed in my aim and she did not speak much nor could I because it was not the moment to express my feelings but it was, unhappily, time to share my sympathy in her grief because I was distraught knowing that she had lost her beloved father just a few days back. The first call that I made from Malaysia was to her. I noticed that she was still suffering from the pain that she had lost her father untimely and I had forecast-ed that the whole year would not be favorable for me; in fact, I didn't wish to share my feelings, no matter how important it was; in this miserable time as I thought it might hurt her or burden her with additional pain. Although, I had called her so many times and showed how much I really did love, care and want her but I never tried to express what I really had inside my heart. I have been speaking to her as just a 'good friend' ever since.
I always thought that last year was not really that suitable to express my feelings as she was grieving the loss of her father. So, I always spoke to her as her good friend and I think I did well and I was right in my decision. It's already been a year, that I left my beautiful home country Nepal and my beautiful and beloved friend (her). I have been calling her time and again. I give her calls whenever I feel I miss her; either I am happy or sad. I also call her to seek her advice and suggestions. It makes me happy to say that even she, sometimes, calls me. I am so pleased that even though we are far from each other we share a few things that bring us close to each other. Thanks to today's technologies which have helped us; either by using the internet for emails or chatting or cell phones, we are regularly in touch. In addition, emergency or short 'hi/hello' are sent through SMS. I was thrilled with myself and all these wonderful activities with her and had started thinking about our future together. Frankly speaking, I had promised myself that I would fulfill all her desires and needs. I would stand beside her to protect her from all distress and from other nasty things of this cruel world...and much more. All these thoughts always brought a smile on my face.
I was thinking of proposing to her soon. I was just waiting for a suitable time. In fact, I was looking for the time; suddenly, I passed through a big 'an unfortunate-accident' (as I prefer it to call). I am so sorry to her that I had 'the worst year of my life'. I also feel disgraced writing it here that I, regrettably, got engaged with another lady. It was, may be, because I was a little frustrated with my beloved friend as it took me a long time for me to express my feelings and get a response from her. Actually, sometimes, times and luck run in such a way that we do not feel instantaneously what actually we are doing? But, later when we realize it, it normally is too late. Thank God, I was not too late to change myself. Now, I have already overcome this ridiculous problem of mine. I mean it, I have not done any 'mistake' again and I will not do it again. I have realized now what mistake I did and I feel that I might (Oh God, let it not happen) miss her forever because of this reason.
Today, I am very much disturbed with the thought of losing her because of 'that' single mistake. I am worried because she is all that I have and I have never thought of anybody else in my life. I agree I committed the greatest mistake; and, it's inexcusable too. The timing of the mistake was at such a time when I had not proposed to her yet and did not know how she felt about me. No doubt, she will surely not think good of me, now; more than that, I am so worried she might not even consider me as a friend. I wonder what my life would be like if I am left alone. I am hopelessly distressed. I would probably not be accepted by her but yet, I would like to apologize and say a few last words -
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